Magazines » March/April 2010 » Top 10 Sexy Beers
10. Empire Aphrodisiac Ale
We’ve got game, so it’s not like we need the help, but sometimes enlisting a beer as a wingman is a wise move. Be a regular Don Juan with a round of this specialty brew. Blended honey, ginger, and lavender tips will accelerate your groove-laying, as long as you don’t discuss the brewing process.
9. New Glarus Totally Naked
The weather’s warm again, so slowly peel off those tight, tight layers -- we promise not to look. Need some liquid courage? New Glarus unties the first string with its bare-it-all lager, no frills attached. Two-row barley and noble hops blend in this smooth beer that’s got nothing to hide.
8. Piece Fornicator
Saying “fornicate” isn’t a suave way to broach the topic of “doing it,” but this saucy bock’s subtle palate-tickling fruity esters and cracked-pepper hops are pretty sexy.
7. SweetWater Motorboat ESB
SweetWater surely used two huge mounds of hops for Motorboat, because when you dive face-first into your pint, the experience is simply titillating. Bury yourself in this well-developed beer, and the perfumy hops bounce around the nose. After juggling caramel and bitter, fruity hops on the palate, this will be one pleasure you won’t want to take your hands off.
6. Richbrau Big Nasty Porter
Don’t be intimidated by this bad dog. Yeah, it’s big and “nasty,” but we know you’ll love each and every drop. Underneath this porter’s dark, brooding exterior is just a sweet, chocolaty brew that’s looking to find a connection. Give it a chance.
5. Pike Naughty Nellie
Oh, Nellie, you bawdy tramp. A professional madam tricking soiled doves on forlorn Seattle bachelors (true story!) won’t score points with Johnny Law, but we won’t judge. Long gone you may be, but we’ll think of that brothel fondly as we pay for the pleasure of sweet golden-ale comfort tonight.
4. Gore Range Great Sex Honey Ale
We always have Great Sex in Edwards, Colo. -- sometimes more than once, if the mood strikes. Great Sex is lovely before or after dinner. Hell, have Great Sex with dinner; it’s sweet. (No really, it’s brewed with wildflower honey, so it’s kind of sweet.)
3. Barley Island Dirty Helen Brown Ale
According to the team at Barley Island, ol’ Helen was a legendary tavern owner who could out-swear the most crass sailor. Well, Helen, we love a girl with a dirty mouth -- just don’t expect to meet our mom. This American-brown is a good ‘n’ dirty mix of sweet malts and sassy hop bitterness.
2. Tampa Bay One Night Stand Pale Ale
Don’t take this the wrong way: Last night was great and all. Your floral perfume was intoxicating, your golden, sun-kissed body was all we desired, and that bitter attitude made the chase exhilarating. But seriously, variety is the spice of life, you know? There’s a lot of beer out there, but maybe we can meet up again soon. We’ll call. No, seriously, we’ll call.
1. Foothills Sexual Chocolate
In a nod to Mr. Randy Watson and his band Sexual Chocolate (who made sweet sonic love in “Coming To America”), this imperial stout seduces with sweet malts, tempting dark fruits and a backbone that bites back packed in a smooth, supple body that’ll stop you dead in your tracks.
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This article originally appeared in the March/April 2010 of DRAFT Magazine
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