Well, here we are, America. Election Day 2016. We made it, sort of. Hopefully, by the time you’re reading this, you’ve already voted (if you haven’t, please, for the love of god, go vote) and are settling in for a lovely evening of watching this whole thing burn.
No matter what you choose to call this election cycle—a marathon, a slog, a soul-sucking dumpster fire so intense astronaut Shane Kimbrough just called from the International Space Station to ask what the hell is going on down there—you deserve a beer or six. And why not keep the party going with a half-dozen president- and election-themed beers? Because this election, much like the nightmares it’s undoubtedly caused, will never end.
It. Will. Never. End.
Half Moon Bay Brewing Co.
For the past three presidential elections, California-based Half Moon Bay has relabeled bottles of its flagship IPA with the colors and visages of both parties’ candidates. Leading up to Election Day, customers at the brewery’s taproom “cast their vote” for one candidate or another by simply ordering a bottle featuring that candidate’s face. Turns out their selections are actually a pretty good predictor of the winner of the presidential race: In the 2008 and 2012 Alections, sales of Obama-labeled bottles beat out the ones featuring McCain and Romney. Somebody should call Nate Silver and let him know.
Maybe you believe none of the candidates running are fit to hold the highest office in the land; salute their ineptitude with Unpresidential. Los Angeles-based Mumford rotates the hop bill each time this juicy, New England-style IPA is brewed; the fifth iteration, released in cans on Saturday, features Amarillo, Citra and Galaxy hops.
Dock Street Brewing Co.
In March, Dock Street announced it would be rolling out an entire line of anti-Trump beers for its Philadelphia taproom. Over the following months, the brewery released several brews in what it called the “Friends Don’t Let Friends Vote Drumpf” series, including Short-Fingered Stout (“a bitter and delusional stout with an airy, light-colored head atop a so-so body”), Drumple IPA (“orange in color, it seems sweet and innocent enough at first but is bitter to the very end”) and Pathological Lager, which is actually a saison with lemons (“You want a lager? I’ll give you a lager. No one brews lagers as well as I do.”). Pucker Up, a 6.8% saison brewed with cracked black pepper, Sicilian pink peppercorns and Meyer lemons, is the series’ current entry.
Build That Wall
Libertine Brewing Co.
Since Libertine brewed this beer in collaboration with Brasserie Dunham from Quebec, Canada, its name probably isn’t referring to the wall you’re thinking of. It is, however, an impressive example of effective cooperation between nations: Dunham provided mushrooms and herbs foraged from the forests around its brewery, while Libertine provided the heated lava rocks used to warm the mash. Downside: It’s going to be nearly impossible to make Canada pay for your bottles.
Chinga tu Pelo
5 Rabbit Cervezeria
In a simpler time, this beer was called “Trump Golden Ale” and was the house beer at Trump International Hotel and Tower in Chicago. All that changed when Donald announced his presidency. The candidate’s views on Hispanic immigrants did not sit well with 5 Rabbit founder (and Costa Rica-born) Andres Araya, who promptly cut ties with the real estate mogul and rebranded the beer as Chinga tu Pelo (translation: Fuck Your Hair).
Ale to the Chief
Avery Brewing Co.
No matter which of the two major party candidates you support, one of them (Probably? Hopefully?) is going to win, and that person will officially become president on Jan 20, 2017. Originally brewed to celebrate Inauguration Day 2009, this Cascade-dry-hopped American pale ale bumped up to a presidential 8.1% ABV (it’s not an “imperial” pale ale, Avery says, since this is a democracy) now reappears every four years to mark this installation of a new Commander In Chief.